Part 2: Co-regulation for parents: your superpower for back-to-school calm
The first part of this back-to-school series covered a lot (check out Part 1 here if you haven’t already) —especially about emotional regulation for parents and kids. Learning about regulation—what it looks like for us as parents and how it shows up in our kids—can definitely feel overwhelming. But now you might be asking: What do we actually do with all of that information?
That’s exactly where we’re headed next. I want to make things more practical and ease some of that fear around supporting yourselves and your children through big emotions.
One key player in this process is something called co-regulation (I know, more talk about regulation… but stick with me!). It’s so important—and if there’s just one thing you take away from this whole series, let it be this. Co-regulation is like an extra superpower for parents, and it can truly change the way you connect with and support your child.
What is co-regulation?
Co-regulation: The process of harnessing the presence and actions of someone else to help stabilize one’s own emotional state.
Basically, co-regulation is when parents use their calm presence to help their child stabilize emotionally. It’s the foundation for emotional regulation in kids.
Why Is co-regulation important
- Children learn what regulation feels like from caregivers. It’s like an “external nervous system”
- Children learn to internalize their caregiver’s calming physical and emotional state and build the capacity to self-regulate.
- Let kids feel their emotions with you by their side—normalize it and name it.
- Sends messages of strength to handle strong emotions (inner resource) and feeling safe while doing so.
- Not only can children learn how to calm down, but also can learn that emotions aren’t dangerous or scary.
What does that look like in practice?
Example: Your 8 year old comes home upset after school
They slam the door, throw their backpack down, and shout, “I hate school! Everyone is so annoying!”
You might want to respond with:
“That’s not a nice thing to say—calm down and go do your homework.”
Instead, co-regulation may sound like:
“Sounds like you had a tough day. Do you want me to just sit with you for a minute or talk about what happened?”
If they start to talk, then you validate and help name what they may be experiencing:
“Oh yes, that sounds really frustrating. I can see why you would be upset.”
“ So, it may not have been everyone, but a few people were getting on your nerves and made you feel upset.”
Why does it work?
- You stay regulated so your calm helps their nervous system settle.
- You offer connection first, before solutions or discipline.
- You validate and name emotions rather than dismissing or correcting.
- You model how to slow down and process feelings, which builds emotional skills over time.
How to create “micro-moments” of regulation throughout your day
It’s not about staying calm all the time—it’s about staying aware, recognizing emotional triggers, responding with intention, and being open to making things right when they go off course. Here I cover a handful of ways to build regulation into the routine of your busy day. Any of these can be done using what’s already part of your daily rhythm. Whether you’re cleaning, driving, washing your hands, or showering—these everyday moments can become opportunities to practice mindfulness and support regulation. These co-regulation techniques are simple, science-backed ways for parents to reduce stress and model calm for children.
- Checking in with yourself first. Recognizing what emotions or physical sensations may be showing up for you. (Where do you feel it in your body? Ex: excess energy tapping feet, heavy weight on chest, pounding heart beat etc…)
- Giving yourself permission to feel the emotions that are present for you
- Slow, extended exhales. (I typically recommend at least 2 seconds longer than your inhale Ex: inhale 4 sec – exhale 6 seconds.)
- Breathing and grounding techniques (My favorite is butterfly breathing/tapping!) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eaT6SQCeaKA
- Grounding through senses: what you see around you, what textures do you feel, what sounds are present etc…)
- Sensory fidgets/activities (by yourself or with your kids!)
- Temperature changes/Dive Reflex: Cold showers, drinking ice water, ice cubes on pressure points like our wrist
- Movement! Small dance party, quick jumping jacks, changing up our setting etc…
- An affirmation or anchoring phrase (Ex: First I calm my body, then I can trust my thoughts)
Recommended resources on co-regulation for parents
Hopefully, you found this part of the back-to-school series helpful in exploring manageable ways to create peaceful moments for yourself—and in using co-regulation strategies to support your children. I’ve also included a couple of podcast recommendations that dive deeper into co-regulation and emotional support for kids, in case you’d like to hear more on today’s topic.
If back-to-school transitions feel overwhelming, remember: regulation starts with connection.
For more support on co-regulation for parents and children, continue to the next post in this series—on when and how to seek additional help.
https://thepeacefulparent.com/podcast/
https://3in30podcast.com/386-coregulation-for-parents/
https://calmthechaospodcast.com/
Ready to get started?
Co-regulation in parenting is not something that many of us have been taught. If you would like to continue exploring how co-regulation and self-regulation are important for the emotional well-being of parents and children, I encourage you to schedule a free consult with me to learn about my individualized approach.